Interesting article…

This is a much longer question than normal. I considered editing it down but after some thought decided that this might mirror the situation of many of my readers and I need to give them their voice. I have a dozen or so questions in at tentpegsquestion@yahoo.com but I have shoved this one to the top of the queue and I look forward to your comments.

Over the last several years the congregation that I worship with has done a few things that have caused some “unrest” among those who want to strictly follow the traditions of the church.

It started a few years ago when all of our Wednesday night adult bible classes used the book “A Church that Flies” as a guide for our discussion.  If you are not familiar with this book, in a nutshell it talks about the difference between form and function and how our function is to be like the 1st century church but the forms can and should change to meet the needs of the community that it serves.  This led to an anonymous letter being sent to most members of our congregation, as well as the leadership, lambasting the book and our elders for leading us down that path to liberalism.

Two years ago we implemented the use of a praise team to help serve in our Sunday morning assembly.  The praise team uses microphones and sits at the front of the auditorium but does not stand before the congregation.  Several members decided to leave as a result while others have decided to stay and let their thoughts and feelings be known while others have resorted to the anonymous threatening letter to voice their opinions.  By threatening I mean “if I don’t get my way, I’ll take my toys and go somewhere else.”

More recently, another anonymous letter was slid under the door of our minister’s office, while he was out of course, letting him know that something he said had offended them in some way.  And there have been others that he (our minister) has referenced to me but nothing specific and I have not seen them personally.

My question is about how you have handled this type of situation in the past.  Our elders (and I love and respect them very much) have decided that they will not address or even acknowledge a letter that is sent anonymously.  Their opinion is that if the person isn’t willing to put their name on their complaint then it doesn’t really matter.  I believe their fear is that if they address it in any way it gives the letter legitimacy that it otherwise doesn’t have.  Back during the issue surrounding the book “The Church that Flies” they did make a blanket statement that if anyone had concerns or questions about anything that they should address them specifically to the elders, but never referenced the anonymous letter that was sent out.  And nothing has been mentioned since then that I was around to hear.  There is a part of me that understands and agrees with their position, but there is yet another part that wants to jump up and down and shake the walls calling out those that are too cowardly to stand up and make their voices (and faces) known.  When the disgruntled member does actually approach one of our elders they have just stood there and taken the verbal abuse.  That might not be true in every case, but the ones that I am personally aware of have all gone that way.

I am a PK so I have seen first hand how this affects a minister.  I am also very close to our minister and I see how it affects him as well.  I am in a Life Group with a former elder who is one of the best men I know.  Being an elder nearly destroyed him both physically and spiritually.

I have listened to many of your lessons via podcast and have read quite a few of your tentpegs articles so I have know doubt that you have faced these challenges before.  Your position on instrumental music and women in worship is enough to get you on the “blacklist” of many in our tribe.  How have you and the elders you have served with handled these situations?

My heart breaks for you and this situation. First, I thank God that the elders have decided not to address any concerns delivered anonymously. The writer of anonymous letters is a coward and heretic, for they seek to divide and control a church that belongs to God, not them, and they want to gain that control without the hard work of discussion, argument, and study. The sooner that is publicly stated from the pulpit and in writing in the bulletin, the better.

And what do we do when approached by an angry, hurt, or hostile member? We take them aside and listen to them… but we don’t stop there. To stop there is to encourage them in their anger and hurt; to bestow upon them the status of “righteous victim” when, in truth, they are “weaker member.” It is our holy task to sit them down with scripture, insist that they love God and their brothers and sisters more than they love their own comfort or conclusions, and hold them to it.

When I came to Eastside at the end of last summer, the elders and I knew that I would cause some to rejoice and some to panic. We stated repeatedly that if anyone had any issues it was their responsibility to come to us directly – and some did, to their credit. We also stated this: “In this congregation, we welcome differing views. You are allowed to disagree about the Trinity, creation, how a church chooses its mission and vision, who was hired or fired, politics, and much, much more. But you are NEVER allowed to be unkind, demanding, harsh, unforgiving, or immoral. We require – and hold each member to this – that we are marked by love and acceptance because of our mutual faith in Christ. That trumps everything.”

We stressed Paul’s assertion that “These three remain: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.” We asked them several times to fill in the blank. “The greatest of these is…?” When they did, we asked them if they understood what they just said. They said that love trumps faith. It trumps hope. It trumps everything else. So we can and will work with each other regardless of our disagreements and we will love and cherish each other because THAT is the mark of our faith. If our faith can be boiled down to instruments or acapella, women speaking or silent, praise teams on a stage or on a pew, etc. then our faith is in a system and not in a Savior.

By the way, not only did 99% of our people accept this, they brought their friends. We are growing. Did we lose any? A few. And we might lose more eventually, but we will grow much faster when they are gone. I know that sounds harsh but it is meant to be truthful, not hurtful. Those who leave us will find a church system that meets with their preconceived desires and beliefs; one that will not challenge them ever but, instead, confirm them in their traditions and prejudices. Those who remain will constantly be challenged to stretch, grow, accept, and… yes… love.

Elders are not doing their job when they just listen or when they just disregard. They weren’t called to take it – they were called to lead, and that means you might need to have a stern, firm talk with someone who was convinced they were the only one right… and that they were right because their fathers and forefathers were right.

Do not allow those who claim to defend the faith cause it to shipwreck.

And, while you’re thinking of it, write your minister and elders a love letter. Pray for them daily and tell them you are doing so. Lift up their hands so that they do not become weary and the battle swing against us.